


worthless

by auroracalisto



Category: The Originals (TV), The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Elijah loves the reader, F/M, Inspired by Music, Reader is severely depressed, Slow Burn, reader cuts, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23090017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auroracalisto/pseuds/auroracalisto
Summary: i try to stay strongno matter what i do,i'm always in the wrongit never gets easier,but maybe that's the pointThe reader truly doesn't think she's good enough to live, let alone be friends with the Mikaelson's.  The Mikaelson's have the exact opposite opinion; hell, Elijah loves her.  But that doesn't matter if the thoughts inside of the reader's head aren't expressed to her friends and just kept deep down inside of herself.  Elijah attempts to show her and save her life, and perhaps admit his love for the woman in the process.
Relationships: Elijah Mikaelson/Reader, Elijah Mikaelson/You
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very negative story for the most part. I started writing this in a really bad place and decided to post it. This is a warning that it could possibly trigger you, as it mentions thoughts of dying, thoughts of suicide, and cutting. Please, please, if you need help, seek it. Someone needs you. Don't forget that.
> 
> Also. I am really tempted to take this story down. I guess you’ll figure it out of if you can’t find it anymore.

__

_i'm always so alone_

_even when surrounded_

_by people that i know_

_i'm always so astounded_

_by my ability to ruin everything_

_losing friends and starting fires_

_everyone thinks i'm a liar_

[Your name] sat with her back leaning against the soft couch in the Mikaelson’s living room. She was quiet, looking over as Rebekah sipped at a glass of red wine. Niklaus sat beside her, a glass of bourbon in his hand. Kol was off being Kol, and Elijah sat on the other end of the couch. Rebekah and Niklaus chatted quietly amongst themselves. All [Your name] did was fiddle with the book in her hands, not necessarily reading it. She couldn’t focus. She wanted to leave to return to the guest room her friends had provided her with, but she didn’t know if she should really leave. She knew she would be upset regardless. Staying here would just prevent her from doing anything brash. 

Elijah looked over at the woman with soft eyes. He listened to her heartbeat, not bothering to tell her he could hear how loud it was. She was noticeably anxious. 

[Your name] cast a glance over in his direction. Elijah gave her one of his soft smiles in return, but the woman didn’t do much of anything.

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” [Your name] said, standing up from her spot on the couch and closing her book. 

Elijah furrowed his eyebrows. “Retiring already? It is still daylight, my dear,” he softly said. 

[Your name] only frowned. “Yeah. I am really tired,” she said, holding her book close. She sent him a quick smile before she looked over at his siblings. “See you,” she finished, not waiting around for anyone to try and keep her from going to her room. 

_i always stay at home_

_cause i'm not good in public_

_i sit here on my phone_

_i'm always disappointed_

_i watch them live their lives_

_i wish that i were happy_

_victim of my generation_

_time machines can not erase it_

Elijah had allowed his siblings to come with him to the Mystic Grill. They had all begged [Your name] to come. After about an hour of Rebekah pestering her, she finally agreed. They were now at the Grill, sitting in a booth and looking over the menu. They didn’t need to eat, but for [Your name]’s sake and for the sake of keeping an image for those who thought they were human, they were going to eat something. [Your name] sat on the inside of the booth beside of Rebekah, while Niklaus sat on the edge of the booth, facing the open floor. Kol and Elijah sat across from them. 

All [Your name] did was mess around on her phone. She was texting and visibly annoyed. Rebekah looked over her shoulder and softly frowned, seeing as her friend scrolled through Instagram and liked posts, while now and then messaging someone under the name ‘Helena’ and seemingly getting more and more upset with every word they exchanged. Rebekah gathered that this Helena girl was upset with [Your name]. By the time the food had come, Rebekah had read Helena sending [Your name] a text about how they just shouldn’t be friends anymore. It was bad enough that Rebekah knew that her dear friend had already gone through a terrible ordeal with her closest friend dying just a couple months prior, and now, Helena no longer wanted to talk to her. Rebekah watched as [Your name] sat her phone down, looking towards the woman’s sleeve as it pulled up. Her breath hitched in her throat when she saw a couple of nicks at the woman’s skin. How did she not see that before? Is that why her friend had been wearing so many long-sleeve shirts, even though it was the middle of spring and a hot one at that? Never mind, perhaps it was from hiking or better yet, hopefully, she got it from the many books that she carried everywhere. Maybe a papercut. She would be talking to Elijah about it, later on, when [Your name] was asleep.

[Your name] was squeamish when she saw the food. She hardly touched her plate but ate a small portion of it to humor Elijah, and mostly Rebekah, so they wouldn’t worry too much. They already had so much going on in their lives. [Your name] felt that her entire existence just jeopardized their lives further. They protected her, cared for her—or at least, that’s what she told herself. She didn’t think they truly cared for her. Why would they? She was a nobody. She was human and she was still dealing with the death of her friend, even though her friend’s parents and friends were already over it. Her heart ached and she stared down at her food, not noticing how Elijah was looking at her. How they all noticed how she was acting. 

_who am i supposed to be?_

_when will i be complete?_

_when will they be proud of me?_

_it's getting harder to see_

_slit my wrists, bloody fists_

_questioning why i exist_

_pain persists, evil gifts_

_fucking up my life to shit_

[Your name] stood in front of her mirror. She stared at her appearance. The bags under her eyes, her skin looking as though she could use an entirely new beauty regime to look like it used to. She used makeup to cover up what she could. She was surprised her friends didn’t notice how she didn’t look like she should. But that was beside the point, wasn’t it? Her friends didn’t care. They certainly didn’t question her when she constantly wore makeup and baggy clothes to hide the fact that scars and fresh cuts now littered her body. She had already covered her thighs. Her stomach was closely coming up in second place. Her wrists? She had only started on them about a week ago, shortly before she had that lunch with the Mikaelson’s. 

She didn’t think it mattered. She didn’t think she mattered. Isn’t that what it was all about, though? How she was just supposed to tear herself down? No, no, she wasn’t tearing herself down. She was just clarifying what she already knew. 

[Your name] looked down at the sink. She had made sure to light several candles that had an overwhelming scent. One of them she had gotten especially made by Bonnie, which would mask the smell of blood against vampires. She had owed Bonnie heavily, but it was okay. It helped her and Bonnie didn’t ask questions. [Your name] looked to make sure that candle was still lit, and she carefully grabbed onto her razor, looking down at an empty spot on the soft skin of her arm. She stared down at her vein, her eyes never once leaving it as the razor came down and split her beautiful skin open. 

She did it once, then again, and then a third time, before there was a sudden knock at her bathroom door, causing her to jump and drop her razor in the sink of running water. She clenched her jaw and closed her eyes for a moment before she looked towards the door.

“Yeah?” she called, rather annoyed that her time had been interrupted. 

“[Your name]?” 

It was Elijah. 

She breathed out through her nose. “Yeah? What do you need?”

“Can we talk?”

_Shit_ was the only thing that went through her head. She looked around, quickly washing the blood off of her arm. She cursed under her breath, trying to find a bandage. There was no way that he wouldn’t be able to smell it if she came out of the bathroom. 

“Um, yeah.”

“Can we talk with you out of the bathroom? It’s rather important and I would like to talk to you face-to-face.”

“Yeah, just—just give me a minute, Elijah.” 

“Is something the matter, [Your name]?” he asked, a hand hovering over the doorknob. He wasn’t about to open it. She deserved her privacy, after all, but his suspicions were heavily growing. 

“No, I’m fine, Elijah,” she said. In a hurry, she quickly grabbed the razor out of the sink, cursing when she didn’t realize that the blade would cut her fingers. 

“[Your name].” Elijah frowned deeply, his jaw clenching. 

“Elijah, just wait—”

But this time, Elijah didn’t listen. He forced the door open and if he had a heart, it would have stopped right then and there at the sight in front of him.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elijah tries to express how much he cares for the reader, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. But although she seems not to listen, she begins to think about what the man said more than he expected her to.

__

_i'm worthless, i'm worthless_

_i'm worthless, slit my wrists until i bleed out_

_i try to stay strong_

_no matter what i do,_

_i'm always in the wrong_

“[Your name],” Elijah started, unable to understand what exactly was going on. Why didn’t he see that she was so . . . sad? He began to make his way over to the woman, spotting the bewitched candle that masked the smell of her blood and his frown only deepened. He looked at the woman and stopped when he seen that she only backed away with every step he took forward. “Oh, [Your name],” he breathed out, glancing at the blood on the counter, noticing soon after that the woman was in a tank top. The cuts on her arms seemed to be endless, and much of them were fresh. “Please,” he began, holding out a hand to the woman.

[Your name] quickly shook her head. She didn’t need his pity. She didn’t need his help. She could take care of this herself. She knew she could. 

“I’m sorry,” he frowned deeply, before he looked deep in her eyes. “Go sit on your bed and do get up,” he compelled her. It only took a minute before the woman had did as she was compelled to do so. He blew out the candles that she had lit in the bathroom and rather quickly began to clean up the blood in the sink. He seen the razor that she had dropped back into the sink and tossed it in the toilet. He flushed it. 

Elijah moved to grab a cloth washrag and wet it so he could clean up the blood on her arms. He looked around for a first aid kit and when he found one, he was astounded at how little bandages were within the box. He would have to get Rebekah to find one in the house. 

The man came back out and looked at the woman who said absolutely nothing as she sat there. [Your name] had been crying. He hated the look on her face, noticing how dark the bags were under her eyes, much like [Your name] had observed just moments before. He got down in front of her, on his knees, and gently took her hands in his. 

“[Your name],” he softly spoke, wishing that she would look at him. To his delight, she did. He gently began to wipe at the cuts on her arm, noticing that they were still bleeding a little. He frowned, his eyes looking up to meet with hers. “My love, what has been on your mind?”

“Do not compel me to tell you,” she quickly said, a panicked expression coating her face. 

His frown only deepened. “I won’t,” he replied, looking towards the cuts on her arms. He only wondered how many more she could possibly have. “But I would like it if you told me what’s been going on,” he said. 

[Your name] couldn’t help the tears from spilling. “You wouldn’t understand,” she said, biting her lip to hold back a soft sob.

“Try me,” he said with furrowed eyebrows and a soft demeanour encasing his face. “I’ve been living far much longer than you have been alive, [Your name]. There is not an emotion that I have not felt . . . there is not a situation that I have not found myself in, at one point or another.”

The girl stared him down before she began, “ _it never gets easier,_ _but maybe that's the point_.” She sniffled osftly and looked towards her wrist, trembling lightly. “I keep messing up. I keep making mistakes. Elijah, I should have been there when Peyton died,” she breathed out, “I should have been there when you were in trouble. When your mom was here, trying to kill you all. Instead, I was up in my room, crying.” She swallowed thickly, thinking about what else she was going to reveal to the man kneeling in front of her. “I can’t even keep the friends that I have,” she began to grip onto the man’s free hand with her own. “I don’t know why you guys are still here,” she whispered, now looking right at the man. 

The frown never once left his lips as he spoke. “ _It's part of growing up._ _Messing up and learning from it._ _That's just life, it's necessary._ You know that, my dear. You know that better than anyone. You . . . you are so strong. Why are you so sad?” he stared at her through half-closed eyes. 

“Strong,” she let out a curt laugh. “You call strong what I’ve done to myself?” 

Elijah watched the tears fall from her beautiful [eye color] eyes. “Yes. Strong. Because, and you must listen to me when I tell you this, oh my dear, you are the strongest person I know. You . . . it pains me to see all of these scars,” he softly spoke, not wanting to alarm her in any way. “But you also have to remind yourself that all of these little cuts . . . they might show you want to give up. But you’re still here,” he looked up at the woman. She was still crying. He reached up and gently wiped a tear away with his thumb. “You are still here. You know that we all care for you, [Your name]. I do not understand why you cannot see that we are always here for you.” 

The woman listened to Elijah, but she didn’t answer him. How was she supposed to? She didn’t know how to answer him. This man was sitting in front of her, telling her everything opposite to what she believed so strongly in. She slowly pulled her wrist away from the man, sniffling softly. “Can you leave?” she asked.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he watched her, but he nodded. “Yes . . . but please. Promise me that you will not light that candle again. I will know what you’re doing,” he said, slowly standing back up. He looked down at the bloody washcloth in his hands. “Please promise me that you will not hurt yourself.”

[Your name] did not answer, just laying back in her bed. 

Elijah stared her down, knowing he would not get an answer out of her. He left her bedroom and quickly found his siblings, whom were in the living room, wondering what their elder brother was up to. They would soon find out. 


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader goes to talk to Elijah and ask him why the hell he helped her. Elijah confesses. The reader is left to decide what she does next.

[Your name] slept for nearly a day after that. No one bothered her. She almost wished they had. But maybe it was for the best. Looking at herself in her mirror, she noticed her notebook peeking out from under her mattress and she almost immediately frowned. She quickly went to it and pulled it out. She opened it to one of the first pages and seen the words: ‘ _clinging to hope, what else is there to live for? got nowhere to go, what else is pain good for?_ ’ She sat her notebook back down. What was it that Elijah had told her the night before? _“But you also have to remind yourself that all of these little cuts . . . they might show you want to give up. But you’re still here.”_ [Your name] clenched her jaw and shut her eyes, stuffing the journal back under the mattress. She didn’t care that the way she shoved it back bent the notebook at an odd angle. Maybe, just like her being left alone for the time being, it was a good thing. She sat on the edge of her mattress, sniffling softly. She looked down at her wrist and noticed that her cuts had been wrapped in bandages. It must have been Elijah. She rubbed her eyes and let out a soft groan, slowly getting to her feet. She needed to find him and talk to him. 

[Your name] got up and walked out of her bedroom, after making sure that her pajamas and her hair looked decent. She had pulled on a hoodie as she came out and shut her bedroom door, looking down the hallway. No one was there. Or, at least, in the hallway. She made her way down the hallway and then down the staircase, hearing muffled voices in the living room. They were purposefully keeping their voices down; she knew it. She came to the archway to the living room, seeing Elijah nursing a cup of some type of alcohol. She didn’t bother asking what it was. Klaus had looked over at her as soon as she came into the room. He gave her a soft smile, but he didn’t say anything to her. Rebekah and Kol sat on the opposite couch, looking at her as well. 

_You guys are great at being subtle,_ she scoffed under her breath, drawing the attention of Elijah, finally. She sniffled softly and gripped onto the edge of her sweatshirt before she spoke up. 

“Can we talk?” she looked right at Elijah. 

His eyes softened and he nodded, slowly getting up. He sat down his cup and got to his feet. But instead of leaving, his siblings got up to leave the two of them in the living room. Rebekah made it obvious that she knew by giving [Your name] a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek as she passed by her. 

[Your name] felt her tears well in her eyes once more when it was just the two of them. “Why did you help me yesterday?” she asked. 

He frowned at her. “You’re asking me why I helped you? My dear, why wouldn’t I help you?”

“Please just answer,” she quickly said. “I kept my promise, I haven’t tried anything again, I want you to answer me,” she blurted, her tears unable to stop at this point. 

Elijah came to her side and gently cupped her cheeks, a soft frown on his lips. “Look at me—”

“Elijah, please,” [Your name] practically begged, placing her hands over the top of his. 

_i am confident that your life has purpose_

_it's okay, you will get through it_

_don't give up cause someone needs you_

Elijah pursed his lips before he gave a small nod. “Alright. I . . . I helped you because you needed help, [Your name]. You know that you did. I . . . do not think that I could live with myself if I saw you were in pain and did not bother to help you. I have been beside myself with worry,” he watched her closely. “You mean so much to me. I do not understand why you would want to hurt yourself, and I am so sorry that you feel like you couldn’t come to any of us when you started this.”

“Elijah,” she softly spoke. “This started before I knew you guys. It’s not something you could have stopped from happening.”

He frowned. “I still feel responsible. You . . . you’ve hurt yourself so many times. And I’ve been here, I’ve wondered if you were alright, but you have been hurting yourself this whole time. I cannot . . . fathom how upset that makes me. How upset it makes me that you’ve been in pain all this time and I’ve not been able to do anything to prevent it. Forgive me for not seeing how badly you were hurting before now, [Your name].” Elijah pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. 

[Your name] felt the lump in the back of her throat threatening to come to the surface. She moved his hands from her face and suddenly hugged the man, burying her face in his chest. 

“Elijah, I do not deserve any of you,” she whispered, her hands gripping onto the shirt that he wore. 

“No,” he rested his head on top of hers as he hugged the woman back. “You are wrong, [Your name]. You deserve all of us and more. I need you to promise me that you will never give up. I need you to promise me that you will stay strong,” he said, looking down at her. “I need you to promise me that you will come to me from now on when you feel like you are going to do something like this again,” he said.

She frowned deeply. “I cannot promise anything. But . . . but I will try, Elijah.”

“That’s all I can ask for,” he said, running a hand through her hair for a moment. “I care so deeply for you, [Your name]. The cuts you’ve inflicted on your skin makes my heart ache so. You must know that I need you. Someone, all of us. We all need you. We are your friends,” he kissed her cheek. “I hope that I am more than just a friend . . . but even if I am not, you have so many people who want to care for you. You must let them from now on. I know it will be hard. You will want to continue doing what you have done for so long. But . . . you need to remind yourself that although you may think so negatively, there will always be someone who wants you. There will always be someone who wants to help you.” 

_please, don't give up_

_gotta stay strong, gotta move on_

_gotta know hope, when you feel low_

_please, you gotta know_

_that someone needs you_

_please, don't give up_

_gotta stay strong, gotta move on_

_gotta know hope, when you feel low_

_please, you gotta know_

_that i need you_

**Author's Note:**

> The song that inspired this story is worthless by eli. It's super good and I strongly suggest giving it a listen.


End file.
